Beware Of The Mental Monsters

Another aspect of my personality that I’m aware of is my neediness. It comes from a lack of self-love and close love from parents as a growing child. This trait in my personality could be considered as a selfish streak by some, while those that know me well, know it’s merely the way I seek reassurances that what I am doing is right.

I’m an introvert too – mainly by choice I might add. Yet there are many other people, some might be reading this too, that don’t suffer from these issues. From the rest of us, they appear to have full control of their lives. They socialise with others with ease and they often have strong egos that they enjoy displaying. They are self-assured and confident with themselves and might even enjoy smiling at themselves in a mirror! How could they possibly understand what it’s like to be the opposite type of person? They can’t, any more than I could possibly understand what life would be like to be an extravert, self confident and in admiration of whom I am.

Of course, there will also be many people with a persona somewhere in between the two I’ve described. But I’m talking about my sort, or to be precise – me and my mental monsters and how they effect my life. It’s likely that everyone gets these mental monsters to varying degrees – it’s just that my type appear bigger and more powerful.

Mental monsters work in the same way that nicotine works on a smoker’s mind. Constantly alert and nagging in the background, taking control of the person’s actions with the objective to keep them feeding it with the poison it needs. As an ex-smoker I can fully relate to that comparison. My mental monsters aren’t seeking nicotine though. They are instead an integral negative side of my personality, engrained from my early years when starved of essential ingredients such as a need to be loved and someone to approve of me.

I’m not aware of having a mental condition that renders me off centre, you might say. I’d like to believe I’m fully in control of my awareness and purpose in life. But those ambitions are shaped by my personality, my characteristics, and my desires. The mental monsters, on the other hand, are amplified, loud like a silent screaming in my mind. Most of the time they are quiet. But the monsters scream more often than they would within other personality types.

When I do something, I want it to be the best I can do. I want it to reflect me in the best possible light to others. It’s this constant desire for approval. As stated above, this is not in an egotistical way, or one of self importance, but as a reassurance that what I do is right. Personally, I cannot abide people with big egos, and in the world of mediumship there most certainly are plenty of them type! Because of my personality type I consider an ego like an over-inflated balloon. When I read, see or hear someone inflating their ego balloon it immediately turns me away from them.

The mental monsters, on the other hand, are amplifier, loud like a silent screaming in my mind.

That part of my personality – the ability to simply accept others as they are, is often a challenge. The aspects of their personality that I judge as negative or not to my liking, can become mental monsters in my mind. Others can therefore unknowingly create mental monsters that I have to come to terms with. But the majority of mental monsters are from my own issues unrelated to others. I had the biggest mental monsters I’ve ever had when I was doing the Spirited Talk podcast for example. The project did not succeed as I hoped and led to the mental monsters constantly beating me up to a point where I had to call a day to the project and give in, even though I did not want to.

I have a similar issue with the WFIW project that I’m now involved in. Why is it not attracting more readers? Why is my work going unnoticed? What is wrong with me? Am I writing nonsense? What value is my work really? These are all real mental monsters that I’m living with day after day.

The only positive aspect of my work is often the knowing I have about the quality of my work, after my harsh persona has judged it against the high standards expected of myself. That aspect, that part of my character is the positive counterpart against the mental monsters. It’s an ongoing daily fight though and occasionally the monsters win!

I’m not a psychiatrist and don’t pretend to understand the workings of the human mind. But I do know that there are plenty of others like me that suffer from these self doubts that eventually become mental monsters within their minds. Left undealt with these monsters ruin their potential. They therefore have to be dealt with.

So if you’ve stuck with me through this article and you’ve found yourself relating to these personality traits I’ve described, here’s my message to you.

Even though I’ve most likely never met you and don’t really know you, I know beyond doubt that you are a unique and special individual capable of achieving more than you allow yourself to. Your sensitivity is a special quality that so many others would benefit from having more of. Your desires to be good, to be better, to achieve something worthy, to just poke your head above the crowds is perfectly normal. But don’t settle for normality by giving in to the mental monsters. Stretch yourself every day. Do it to satisfy yourself, not others. Do it because you are a special person.

The next time you read someone’s comments that serve only to inflate their egos, have a smile and recognise that they are feeding their mental monster that they don’t even know exists! The next time you find yourself doubting your abilities, say no to the mental monsters by telling yourself that the successes you deserve are ahead of you on your journey through life. Some people ‘peak’ too early, you’ve not even started. From this day forward, be the best you you can be and seek to get better by the day.

My favourite incorrect phrase is

“ I’m good and getting gooder by the day!”