I can’t speak for others, but when someone offers me their opinion, it sparks a tendency within my nature to want to ignore it! The situation is compounded when that person wishing to enlighten me with their opinion is another medium, and one that doesn’t impress me!
At that moment, if someone could read my mind, they would hear my thoughts, saying, “I didn’t ask for your opinion, and I don’t want it.” Why does this happen to me? Why are people, including myself, always ready to share their own opinions over a matter at the drop of a hat?
It would appear to be a trait of us living in a connected world where social media has encouraged us to freely express whatever we want to anyone prepared to read it. I mean, even this article is really only me expressing my opinion over opinions!
You might believe that expressing an opinion is harmless. You might tag the words, “take it or leave it” with yours, apparently being thoughtful to the recipient in giving a choice. But are you? The opinion might be appropriate, but if the person didn’t ask for it, what value is there in sharing it? Most of our opinions are based on what we believe is true. But what if the opinion is harmful, inaccurate, unhelpful, or heavily opinionated?
I heard a medium say this next line to the person they were giving the reading to. “He’s telling me you should give up smoking. He says it’s won’t be good for you long term.”
Not only is that the apparent opinion of a ‘dead’ person, it also contains a negative threat of doom in the future. Every smoker already knows that the habit is not good for them. They don’t need their dead relative telling that too. The medium I’m using for this example went on to express more opinions throughout the reading. “You should be taking your pills regularly.” “He thinks you should change your job.” “He thinks you need to be doing more exercise“.
The intent of a medium is not to counsel or guide, but to bring hope, comfort and where possible, proof that life is eternal.
The issue with mediumship and spiritualist unfoldment is that there are no hard and fast manuals, how-tos, instructions and the like. Most of what we learn in this subject is based on the opinions of others. Qualified tutors, mediums with years of experience, and people who have been involved with the subject much longer than us and know a thing or two. Even the books some have written are extensively based on their experiences and opinions.
So, does that mean they should be ignored? Of course not. We learn this subject from others who have walked the walk and can now talk the talk. Are they always correct? of course not. They are humans and prone to making mistakes like everyone else. We need learn to listen to their words and opinions, and decide whether the message sits comfortably with us.
It may be that what we are being taught, makes no sense and at that moment and we can’t appreciate it. That’s normal. Just make a note of their advice and come back to it in a few months when you’ve moved on a bit more. You may then be able to appreciate and accept that original advice.
The area that concerns me is when an opinion offered by someone else is far from useful, inaccurate, or downright wrong. It happens more often than a student might realise. Let me share an example:
I was a newish student to this work and on a week-long course at the Arthur Findlay College. I was keen to learn as much as possible to get what I could from the vast investment I’d made to be there. I was one of only a few students in the class who took notes. Our tutor was one of the finest mediums and tutors in the UK. To be in that class felt like an honour and a privilege.
The tutor was talking to us about how we should learn to recognise the spirit connection and those from the other side that were working with us. One student asked, “What if I never learn to recognise those working with me in the spirit world, my guide?“
The answer surprised me, and I wrote it down, so I know it to be accurate. The tutor replied, “Your spirit team aren’t going to waste time working with you if you’re not recognising them. They’ll move on and work with someone else instead.”
Although I wasn’t the one asking the question, I was keen to hear the answer. The premise that the spirit people working with me would simply give up and work with someone else upset me. I was struggling to realise the subtleness of the spirit team working with me. I wasn’t sure I even had anyone to connect to. So the revelation from the tutor that they might just trot off because I was no good at appreciating them, upset me. I worried for weeks after that I was unable to connect to a spirit presence because they’d left me and nobody was there to work with me.
If the tutor had more accurately stated that our team in spirit does change, according to our needs, I would have been happy to accept that. But the tutor didn’t say it that way. During the break after that lesson, a few of us at the dining table discussed the tutors remarks and all of us were somewhat taken back by it. The tutor was wrong. The wording was wrong. The reaction was quite reaching.
It’s fair to say that we cannot live without the opinions of others, and in the spiritualist world, plenty of them are on offer. Some are valid and others not so. Unsolicited opinions can be frustrating, but how you handle them depends on the situation and your relationship with the person. Here are five helpful approaches:
- Stay Calm & Neutral
If it’s not worth engaging, just nod or say, “I see,” and move on.
Avoid getting defensive—sometimes, people just want to be heard. - Set Boundaries
If it happens often, you can say, “I appreciate your perspective, but I wasn’t looking for advice right now.“
For repeat offenders, a firmer, “I’d rather not discuss this,” can help. - Redirect the Conversation
Change the subject subtly: “Anyway, how’s your week been?“
Humour works too: “Wow, you should start a podcast on this!“ - Consider the Intent
Is it coming from a good place? If so, a simple “Thanks, I’ll think about it,” can close the topic without conflict.
If it’s rude or critical, you don’t owe them engagement - Don’t Internalize It
Their opinion is just that—an opinion. It doesn’t define you or your choices.
If it lingers, ask yourself: “Does this actually matter to me?” If not, let it go.
The other side of this issue concerns the person giving the opinion, and it is often you and I. Learn to think more before you speak. Unlike women, men tend to want to give solutions every time somebody shares an issue with them. Women don’t. They are better listeners and empathisers.
- Ask yourself, did the person ask for your opinion?
If not, why give it? If you do need to share your opinion, caveat it with “This is only my opinion, and it might be different to others you’ll get.“ - Sometimes the truth is not always what someone needs to hear.
A loving and caring approach is often better than a harsh realistic check with the person. - Consider the person’s feelings before sharing your opinion.
People are not always ready for the truth and it doesn’t hurt for you to sympathisise and leave it at that. Just because you might have something to share, consider, are they ready to hear it? - If you have to give an opinion, soften it,
Wrap it in sandwiching phrases, such as ” Well, what I might do in your situation is…” or “If it were me, and of course it’s not …” or “I know how you feel. I felt like that. What I found is …“
Just remember, nobody likes a smart alec. The person you’re talking to may not even value your opinion, so don’t give it. Even if you’re right, you don’t need to prove it.
Mediumship involves people skills and having a few under your belt is useful. As much as mediumship is a learning curve, so are people skills. Learn some of the quick lines mentioned above and make effort to include them in your conversations. You’ll come across more professional.
